Watching the Clock

The ticking of this clock. I could listen to it forever.
Tick tock. Tick tock.
It sits above the back door near the kitchen.
Tick tock. Tick tock.
It’s soothing.
It almost brings me to tears.
I’ve heard the sound before. Hundreds, maybe thousands of times.
But never like this.
Tick Tock. Tick tock.
I’ve been waiting to hear it like this for over twenty years.
Before, it could never move fast enough
Tic…….k. Toc………k. Tic…….k. Toc…….k.
Time seems to move slower when you’re hurt.
Tomorrow, relief, the sunrise…
They seem to take forever when every second aches.
Tick tock. Tick tock.
Just now, I sat down to start some work
The glare from the sunshine caught my eye
And I found myself distracted
Watching the sun dance with the clouds across the floor
In rhythm with the ticking clock
Tick tock. Tick tock.
I looked back at the time
Twenty minutes had passed
This feeling. This is why I held on.
I imagined these moments
I’ve sacrificed more than I’ll admit for these seconds
I’ve endured more than you can imagine for these instants
When I wouldn’t have to wish time away
When I’d feel protected enough to tear my eyes away from the clock
And lose myself in the actual moments…
Making small talk with her about the day…
Sharing silly laughs while dancing in the kitchen…
Watching her get ready…
Tick tock. Tick tock.
Time escapes me as I study her mannerisms
Memorize her preferences
Reflect on her words…
Most people have such big dreams…
But for me?
This is one of my greatest dreams come true
Sitting here in my Home. Unpacked and safe.
Not running. Not hiding.
No more Pretending. No more abuse. No more Tears.
Cared for. Respected.
Tick tock. Tick tock.
I listen to this clock, amazed…
At every second God has pulled me through to get here
On this couch…
Watching the sunshine dance… in awe
Tick tock. Tick tock.
I have lived for this moment since I could remember
I’ve been waiting for this… praying and begging for this…
And I thank God for these seemingly meaningless seconds
These forgettable moments
Small and insignificant…
Moments of nothingness…
No longer counting for survival…
Just living in each one…

Tick tock. Tick tock.

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